He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
We are all done wearing pants today
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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