you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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