can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
She needs sedatives and a leash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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