evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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