the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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