it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
