Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
