just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize