he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
