Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
