Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
