I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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