My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
