before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
