i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
