My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
