I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Randomize
