Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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