Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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