I want to stick my p in your. b.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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