hey, what are you doing tonight?
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.