so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear