Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
