Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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