wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
