I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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