my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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