She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
