he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
