i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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