apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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