so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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