i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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