So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
