It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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