If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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