I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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