Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
