In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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