i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
