jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
