Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
