best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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