I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
