naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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