I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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