I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
