I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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