How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
