I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
