all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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