my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
