Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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