how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
