I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
