You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
