i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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