My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
