You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
