Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
