We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
