Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Sober January is a disaster.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
