I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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