I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
