you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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