I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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