....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
