I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
